Retirement

I may be a minority here but I feel this way a lot here lately.

Retirement

Beginning of life: all is exciting and new.  Experiences mostly intriguing.

On into your teenage and young adult careers, we are focused on building and achieving.

Reaching into the middle aged or life comes to a high as we are about to reach are goal.

Into our older years, once our goal is reached, we slow down and take a look back

Now at the peak of our career, we no longer climb or move upward, we no longer grow.

Going nowhere!! Existing until our final day.

Advertisements

FROM THE HEART

by  Terri  Byars  October 2000 to January 2001 /All rights reserved

Depression.  Hopelessness.
All seems lost. Nowhere to go.
Want to leave. Hit bottom.
All is useless.  What is the point?
I cannot do this anymore.  Are you there, Lord?
Return me to the place of joy.
Trust.  Rest.  Confidence.
Confidence in You alone.
I want to forget.  Laugh a little.
Live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.
Read the word. Live in His love.
In Your light, Lord.  Let me/I live there alone.
Get rid of darkness. Take me to the Light.
Pure Joy

Confession.  Repentance.
Not my will, but Your will be done, Lord.
Tears.  Grief.  Hopelessness.
Wondering what is wrong, how to fix it.
I can’t do it in my strength.
I cannot proceed until all my strength disappears.
Transformed.  Renewed.
A living sacrifice presented to God.
Tears.  Grief.  Brokenness.  Hope.
Hope in God for the help of His presence.
I cannot stand.  I have fallen.
I have to be carried. Lord, lift me up.
Confession.  Repentance.

Brokenness.  Childlikeness.
Total desperate dependence on the Lord.
A need.  A longing.  To be satisfied.
Never able to be filled.  A need to be empty.
I can’t be filled until I am empty.
I cannot be satisfied until all my desires disappear.
Crucified.  Dead to self.
Following Him closely every moment.
A need.  A longing.  To hear His heart.
A pure heart.  Single-minded.  Holiness.
I can’t see without His eyes.
I cannot walk, Lord, hold my hand.
Brokenness.  Childlikeness.

Selflessness.  Generosity.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition.
Focused inward.  Self-importance.
What can be done to fix my problem?
It’s not about me and my problem.
It’s not most important to get my needs met.
Humility. Think of others.
Consider others needs above my own.
Focused outward.  Self-abasement.
Other’s need are more important than my own.
Lord, what can I do for others?
God’s grace will abound toward you.
Selflessness. Generosity. 

Closeness.  Intimacy.
Single-minded, wholehearted devotion to God.
Affections.  Desires.  To have the answers.
Never knowing.  A need to be dependent.
I can’t be secure until I let go.
I cannot be secure until I step forward without knowing.
Hang on loosely.  Lean on Him.
Moment-by-moment clinging to Him.
Affections.  Desires.  Seek those things above.
Confidence in Him.  He knows.  He’s Daddy.
I cannot walk without holding His hand.
I cannot survive without looking to Him.
Closeness.  Intimacy.

Endurance. Perseverance.
Falling. Crawling. Moving forward.
Trust myself. I can do it.  I have the ability.
Try and try. Striving. Straining. Pressing.
I can’t keep going on my strength.
I cannot do this anymore without His Spirit.
Not my righteousness, but His.
Walking on. Press on toward the goal.
Trust Him.  Availability. Faithfulness.
Keep my eyes on Jesus who endured the cross.
I will keep going.  Earnestly pray. Have Faith.
Seek peace. Pursue righteousness.
Endurance. Perseverance.

RUN THE RACE TO WIN!!

Emotions of Life

emoticonsDuring our lives, we (especially women) go through many faces of emotion.  Throughout my times of strong emotional uprise, I have vented those emotions by writing poetry.  I have compiled those times into one larger poem called “From the Heart”.  You can read it  here.

I realize at the end of those emotions that Jesus is always the answer.  When we are happy, Jesus is the reason (John 10:10).  When we are sad, Jesus is the One to whom we can run(Matthew 11:28-30).  When we are angry, Jesus takes revenge for us (Romans 12:19). 

King David complained to the Lord a lot in the Psalms; however, at the end of most of those Psalms, he would exclaim something like “But God” or “And yet will I praise You”.  Sometimes he just talked to his soul and told himself to hope in God:

Ps. 42

1 As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, my God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
3 My tears have been my food day and night,
while people say to me all day long,

“Where is your God?”

4 These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go to the house of God
under the protection of the Mighty One
with shouts of joy and praise
among the festive throng.

5 Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

6 My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
7 Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.

8 By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.

9 I say to God my Rock,
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?”
10 My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”

11 Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

No matter what our emotions are, we can rest assured that Jesus will be there for us.

 

Where is God?

ONE NATION UNDER GOD? INDIVISIBLE?

Sometimes as I watch America, the so-called “Christian Nation”, fall farther and farther away from the Faith of our Fathers, I wonder what God thinks about us now.  How does God think about a nation who kills millions a year because a woman is not ready to give birth to a baby and take responsibility for her actions?  How does God feel when we accept same-sex marriage as being a choice or a right when it goes totally against Romans chapter 1?  How does God feel when Christians live in sin, drinking, gambling, having illegitimate babies?  Sure, we all sin.  None of us are righteous on our own merit, but it seems like Christians should look different from the world and grow more and more like Jesus and not more and more like the world.  How does God feel when we go to Church just because it’s Sunday, or just because we want to meet a girl (or guy) or just because our Mom made us?  When will we start seeking God, renewing our mind, becoming separate from the world? 

God is still sovereign.  God is still on the throne.  I have to believe that, but I don’t see it.  I have to believe it by faith because the word says it is true. 

Where is God? 

The sun is shining, but I barely see it.  My heart is full of grief.  “It rains on the just and the unjust” the Bible says somewhere.  Sometimes I wonder, where is the justice in that?  Joel Osteen, the pastor of maybe the biggest mega church in America, many times talks about the favor of God.  “We have the favor of God” he says.  If we are favored by God, why are Christians in poverty? 

I’m still praying, I’m still believing.  I live by faith, not by sight.  God is still sovereign.  He is good all the time.  Lord Jesus, shower your presence on your people.  Let us rise up and be blessed.  Amen.

Come quickly, Lord, take us out of this mess.

 

 

A FALLEN WORLD

8525477-a-pair-of-cottonwood-trees-on-a-cloudy-winter-dayThis time of year, I feel myself slipping into discouragement or depression.  It’s overcast a lot here in Texas, foggy the past few days.  And I need the sun to shine on me.  Everything is dying and dark.

It is now when I think about heaven a lot.  It will be sunny there.  No sorrow, no sin, no conflict.  The weight of the world will no longer be something to bear us down.

Today was hard especially.  I went to church and my pastor announced his daughter just gave birth to a child last night.  Although that is a great thing in the right circumstances, this time it grieved me.  The pastor’s daughter is not married.  She had an illegitimate child.  The pastors are not apologetic about it at all.  This bothers me a lot and makes me want to go to another church.  My husband like this church and the relationships he’s developed.  And we should both belong to the same church.  The church I like is more old school Church of God where they still have altar calls every Sunday and worship in the Spirit, not just what they planned on singing, but what they feel the spirit calling us to sing at the moment.  The church my husband and I attend now is more rock and I don’t like that either.

I am tired of this world and all the carnal living that I see growing in Christians these days.  Including me.  I am no exception.  This emotional up and down is not of God.  Jesus was full of joy all the time, and loved people all the time.  He was not judgemental toward people although he didn’t like the sin.

I try to be encouraging on these blogs, but I felt I needed to write my emotions and let them out.   Venting is always good so I don’t harbor the negative thoughts and feelings inside.

On top of this, I have a lot of struggles with my daughter which is a whole other story.

ComforterGod is still good.

He is still sovereign.

He is still in control.

I choose to praise Him even in my darkest hour.

Poem – Silent Cries


 

SILENT CRIES

July 3, 2009

There’s a silent cry in the world tonight
When the people think everything’s alright.
A cry of pain that nobody hears
A cry of sorrow but with no tears;
The problem shows its ugly head
But nothing is done, nothing is said;
It’s accepted as alright;
It’s not dealt with or brought to light.
The pain takes over, controls, lives on
While all is lost and hope is gone.
For if you fight the fight yourself
And even friends don’t want to help
And instead contribute to the pain,
It comes back time and time again--
A silent cry that no one hears
Slowly kills while others close their ears.
By Terri Byars
All right reserved
Copyright 2009
 
For those who feel the way this poem describes, I need to tell you about the One who is always there, always comforts, always brings peace and joy.  There is a God who came to earth to meet us.  He came down to find us and to overcome the world with all its pain.  Nothing is to hard for Him to handle.  He will never leave you as orphans, He will never leave you comfortless, He will never forsake you.

Trust in Him, Jesus, the Christ, the Anointed One, and find the One who will carry you through every pain and rejoice with you through every triumph.